Radio - Clear Channel's firing squad

As Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th President of the United States on Tuesday, Clear Channel ‘s market managers will be terminating an estimated one-thousand radio division employees as ordered by its politburo, the private equity firms of Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee.

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Reason for termination? Being on the payroll.

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These trigger-happy Clear Channel chicken you-know-whats intentionally planned their massacre to occur while media are occupied with Obama’s inauguration.

After numerous setbacks and disputes, Clear Channel was acquired and privatized on July 30, 2008 for $17.9 billion. Bain and Lee - held up without a gun.

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It’s now evident that the Clear Channel carnage will extend well beyond their U.S. radio division.

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Last Friday, the New York Post reported that Clear Channel was eliminating a total $400 million in costs and their butchery would expand to other divisions worldwide.

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Today, Clear Channel has 30,000 global employees. After Tuesday? A whole lot less.

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In advance of the massacre, Clear Channel filled some open programming positions by doubling-up existing program directors’ duties and its Katz Media Group, now the sole national radio rep in the U.S., thinned their herd by 122.

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Though they never denied budget cuts, Bain and Lee claim the moribund economy forced them to expedite the kill.

"Nothing about our plans have changed except for the speed and timing of them," a Clear Channel spinmeister source told the Post. "There's no doubt we are in a horrible advertising environment, and we can't just sit there and take it."

Clear Channel management rule #73 – Always blame something else for your own blunders.

Why would anyone ever even insinuate the likelihood of Pater Lowry Mays and his sons of privilege, masters Mark and Randall, turning in their private jets to fly – ugh – commercial?

Even by the post-deregulation standards, Clear Channel is setting the pace for other chains to follow - or not, as the case may be.

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I’ll be curious to see if Clear Channel's severance lives up to their promises to the Security and Exchange Commission.

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If you’re a Clear Channel employee, you should know that the SEC filing from May 21, 2007 says that anyone who is “…actively employed at the time the merger is completed, and involuntary terminated without cause during the following one-year period is eligible for the benefits..” For the record, they are “Less than 6 months - 1 month of Base pay; At least 6 months but less than one year - 3 months of Base pay; One to less than three years - 6 months of Base pay, and Three years or more -- 9 months of Base pay.

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“Base pay’ means, in the case of a full time employee, the employee’s applicable base benefit rate in effect at the time of termination or, in the case of a part time employee, the employee’s average base wages over the immediately preceding twelve week period.”

It also means that if you’re a Clear Channel employee that survives Tuesday’s purge but get fired on or after July 30, 2009, “nobody’ll owe you nothin’.”

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Clear Channel maintains a “Know the Facts” page on its corporate website. It reads, “Clear Channel Radio is not operated according to any political agenda or ideology. Local managers make their own decisions about programming and community events. Clear Channel Radio employs approximately 250 local General Managers, 750 local Sales Managers, and 900 local Program Directors. Managers are measured on their ability to drive listenership by intimately understanding what audiences want to hear and delivering that.”

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Will that page be revised by Wednesday morning? Just asking.

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I’ll be hearing from many of you on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Here are some words of caution. Please don’t send or forward any e-mails from your workplace. They can easily be traced. Expect the Clear Channel cybercops to be on red alert this week. Though Clear Channel management are ordered not to put anything in writing or e-mail regarding separation deals, there’s always a manager or two that’ll screw up. If you have something you wish to share, cut and paste and send from a private account.

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If you hide a recording device or wear a wire – again – forward audio files from personal accounts.

Anything I receive, print, audio, or photo, for that matter, will remain confidential unless you indicate otherwise.

Instead of putting their employees through a week and a day of irresolution, they should’ve done their dirty deeds done dirt cheap a week ago.

They'll be plenty of ex-employees dropping dimes incognito. Inaugural or not, Bain, Lee, and C.C. will not be able to squelch this one.

I combed the net but couldn’t find an accurate tally of how many Clear Channel employees have been terminated over the past decade but you can bet it’s into the thousands.

There is, of course, one inevitable consequence, which Clear Channel refuses to recognize. Clear Channel is the perfect example of imperial overstretch and it’s foreordained to collapse.

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The Bain and Lee predators must realize by now that Lowry, Mark and Randall Mays formed the quicksand beneath their feet.

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C.C. = Clear Channel and Circuit City. What’s the dif?

You see, Clear Channel has no problem with the word fired if the word you’re is in front of it. They will have a problem when the word fire is followed by sale.