The annual radio industry haunted house party is being held at Clear Channel’s headquarters in San Antonio this year.The joint actually feels haunted. For years, it was the center of the universe for all decisions made for its radio stations. Now it’s a disembodied mess and run by spirits from a distant city.
I’m sorry to report that Randall Mays, the soon-to-be-former CFO of Clear Channel, is boycotting this year’s party after being told by Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee that he would have to get their approval before he could wear his Little Lord Fauntleroy costume.
Brothe
r Mark will be coming as Pol Pot, the former Cambodian leader. Pol Pot eliminated hundreds villages in Cambodia and killed tens of thousands. Mark and his family eliminated hundreds of radio stations and altered the lives of tens of thousands.
The managing directors of Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee need no costumes. Their very presence is scary enough. Just ask the banks that invested in the Clear Channel privatization debacle.
The unimaginative John Hogan wears the same costume year after year and this is no exception. He’ll be coming as the abandoned puppy dog, unsure of whom his next master will be.
Lew Dickey is bring two costumes. First, there's his customary Smartest Grim Reaper in the Room.
Unlike Clear Channel, Citadel, CBS Radio and other companies that set up their kills in a manner that you know that they’re coming but not quite sure who the victims will be, Lew just shows up unannounced and says, “Boo! You’re fired!”
His second costume is an Invasion of the Body Snatcher pod. After he fires you, he’ll take over your job and since he's always the Smartest Grim Reaper in the Room, he'll do it better than you.
Did you happen to read Lew Dickey’s interview in Portfolio? Click here if you missed it.
Here are a couple of highlights.
To cut health care costs at Cumulus, Dickey dumped Human Resources from the task and seized total control of the project.
“It’s handled at human resources. I think that’s a big mistake,” he said. “I could immerse myself in office supplies, and in 15 minutes I could have a knowledge about that.”
Frightening.
The unimaginative Peter Smyth is going to wear horse blinders and rose-tinted sunglasses. That way he won’t be spooked by the realities of increased unemployment, lack of consumer confidence, sucker rallies on Wall Street, and unsold inventory.
Farid Suleman is coming as Dracula. He bought ABC Radio, sucked the life out of it, and somehow, he’s still standing.
Dan Mason will arrive as Mandrake the Magician. With a wave of his magic wand, he’ll turn one of his stations into a contemporary hits format whether the market needs it or not.
Though he wasn’t invited and has no plans to show, Sirius XM CEO Mel Karmazin will be the most visible person in the room. Like it or not, Wall Street considers Sirius XM a “radio company” and of the top five, his is the only one showing a increase in revenue (+18.6 percent).
By comparison, number one chain, Clear Channel had a -7.4 percent loss; number three, CBS was down -12.2 percent; number four, Citadel was down -9.4 percent, and Cumulus, a -6.9 percent drop.
Now, that’s scary.
Almost forgot. At this party, "Trick or treat" has been replaced by "pay for play."
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37 comments:
LMFAO! Your best yet. Absolutely love it. Sending it to everyone I know in radio. The sad thing is that you nailed the clowns head on again. When are we ever going to get real leadership in this business?
I second that comment. You got them as they really are. Pol Pot - how in the world did you come up with that. Makes a lot of sense to me. I read the Lew Dickey Portfolio piece. That egotistical twit will not be satisfied until he fires everyone and takes over all of their jobs. Is he really trying to oust Clear Channel as the worst run company? So far, so good.
I really feel sorry for the salespeople at radio stations who have to find ways to sell this programming clap trap to clients. It is not the local programmers fault (with a few exceptions). The problem lies with the national people who are controlling the stations with micromanagement. They have haunted their own radio stations with downsizing and corporate dictates that are ruining this business.
I think the appropriate statement is "I see dead people" because that is what the radio CEOs you mention are. They are dead to their companies, dead to their radio stations. We need some leadership that can breathe LIFE back into this industry. These people are lucky they landed their position but none of them deserve to be there. Mays? Lucky sperm. Mason? Lucky to be at Cook-Inlet. Smyth? Family friend. Suleman? A number two trying to be number one. Dickey? Another lucky sperm who dangerously believes his own bullcrap.
What is really scary is that Sirius XM was the only company to go up. How can Wall Street designate Sirius XM as a radio company?
Maybe that news is what is needed to wake up the dead running radio in this country. Those CEOs are total losers as their leadership has proved.
When will "real" radio people get back in or is it too late?
Did poor little lucky sperm club member Randy think that Bain Capital and Thomas Lee would give him carte blanche after he rode Clear Channel off the rails? Bain and THLee aren't much better and they got the royal screwjob from the Mays family. I read in the trades how poor Randall cannot get used to being second guessed. Bain and THLee are just beginning to realize the bad deal they did with the Mays family. The banks have to hate their guts for blocking their backout. No one wins in this deal until they file for chapter 11 and put the stations up for fire sale.
Careful, John, careful. Be careful what you say about Peter Smyth. If you don't Junior Peter Bordes will come after you again and shame you in front of everyone.
I never realized it. Peter Smyth does look like a horse.
I'm fully convinced all the CEO's are vampires.
Nothing would kill them in their companies except a stake through the heart. And I mean that ***literally***, not figuratively.
No matter how bad it gets and continues to get, these guys survive. If they are not either vampires or zombies then I don't know what to call them. Certainly not leaders...
They bought up properties they could not afford and when in peril for being unable to service debt they began firing people for their mistakes. It hurt families, it hurt communities and it killed their product.
These are the people who should hang their heads in shame. Poor businesspeople with no conscience.
How can incompetents like Lew Dickey and Farid Suleman continue to run radio stations. Why does their board/shareholders allow it? I don't care how smart Lew thinks he is. That Harvard education did not get him very far. He left a bride standing at the altar and now he is leaving a radio chain close to receivership. Must be nice to be in that special club, Lew? Farid is another one. So far over his head.
Hay John, Your last couple of blogs are way too short. We love your style of writing. You know how to sock it to those who deserve it. Don't lighten up. We love your new blog about the costumes the radio CEOs will wear for Halloween. Keep fighting the good fight. Radio is not dead. It can be brought back to life with the right people. Time to get the wrong people out.
Will Randy Michaels show-up somewhere as Jabba the Hut?
They should all come as vampires because they have sucked the life out of the radio industry. Every single one of them.
OMG! Lew Dickhead really DID say that???? Every time I think Gorman is making something up I find out that he didn't. He is right about not being able to make up things like that. When Lew Dickey completely ruins Cumulus he can get a job at Office Max and double as a supply buyer and human resources.
Dan Mason lives a charmed life. A so-so consultant. He gets a job with Cook-Inlet. Some eskimos who got a minority break to buy some 8090s. They could not even afford buying Arbitron. Group W buys them and somehow keeps Mason. Then CBS-Group W and Mason gets national programming. Then when Mel left someone got wise and fired him but hired an equally idiotic manager Joel Hollander. Mason weasels his way into CBS and when Hollander gets fired Mason is back. It proves that if you can sell iceboxes to eskimos you can get the lead job at CBS radio.
I am not disputing or challenging them but I would like to know where you got your figures on the percentages regarding radio companies.
I don't understand how Sirus XM can be ranked as a radio company. It should be ranked as a satellite company.
Enjoyed your informative blog nonetheless.
Dan Mason as Mandrake should make himself disappear from CBS Radio.
Will Clear Channel observe their annual bloodletting come November? Not sure how much more they can trim the remaining staff. Wish they had terminated me and given me 9 mos. pay instead of keeping me ("a valued employee") to handle the work that 2-1/2 full time people once did. Cheap bastards thought they could take advantage of a part timer (full time productivity/no benefits!). When the fire sales start and those who think they're safe (b/c they brown nose and suck up) find their asses out on the streets, I'll have to use the same tired cliche they told me: "it is what it is."
Thanks for the creative insight. If you and the folks who respond to these blogs put half the energy into your jobs as you do sitting around complaining about how it is and used to be you would probably be working! I am constantly amazed at the amount of whining babies in my industry.
"Thanks for the creative insight. If you and the folks who respond to these blogs put half the energy into your jobs as you do sitting around complaining about how it is and used to be you would probably be working! I am constantly amazed at the amount of whining babies in my industry."
You Dumb Ass!!! After all the corporate bloodletting, how many of these folks do you think are left in whatever is left of this damned business! I've seen stupid before, but you just don't comprehend it!
"I am constantly amazed at the amount of whining babies in my industry."
YOUR industry? This sounds like shit you'd hear from Slogan Hogan!
..and you, my friend, are proud of the output radio delivers today. You are a sad pathetic man or woman to believe that radio is a tenth of what it used to be. In fact in most markets we are seeing that ten percent or less of the radio audience does more than cume. Try selling that to your clients. They have no P1 stations. This is the new world that Clear Channel, CBS and others delivered. Unsale-able radio!
"and you, my friend, are proud of the output radio delivers today. You are a sad pathetic man or woman to believe that radio is a tenth of what it used to be. In fact in most markets we are seeing that ten percent or less of the radio audience does more than cume. Try selling that to your clients. They have no P1 stations. This is the new world that Clear Channel, CBS and others delivered. Unsale-able radio!"
But put on a happy face, you Pollyannas out there in Radioland!
Read some Norman Vincent Peale every night before bedtime! That'll work wonders!
"I am constantly amazed at the amount of whining babies in my industry."
I'm amazed too at the amount - there's so few of them left!
Yeah - this sure as Hell is a real growth industry!
"If you and the folks who respond to these blogs put half the energy into your jobs as you do sitting around complaining about how it is and used to be you would probably be working!"
That's Right! You too could have a neat job programming Robot Repeater Radio with a Clear Channel Closet-Computer! Oh Boy! Geez I can HARDLY wait!
You will learn.
I was like you. Dedicated to my station. I didn't believe in a lot of the moves being made. I did understand that it was a business and convinced myself to keep my head down and work my ass off and I did.
They added more stations, I never complained. They added more duties, I took them and said thank you.
After they loaded me down with so many stations, so many markets and no pay raise I might add things started falling through the cracks. I would learn that someone who was supposed to work on a project was fired and not told about it.
I finally told my manager we were cutting ourselves too thin. It was the first time I complained and I did so in a orderly business like manner. It was a suggestion as to why we were having our problems.
One week later. I was fired. Escorted out. Signed papers saying I would not sue so I could get my severance which I still have not received.
At my exit interview I was told I was not a team player and they needed a dedicated person in my position which by the way they have yet to fill.
So for those of you who complain about the so-called whiners in this comment section. You will eventually be here too. I don't call it whining. I call it revealing the facts.
Sure some comments may be a little over the edge but after seeing what this industry has turned into in one decade I can assure you that those who are running the radio chains today cannot hold out much longer.
I cannot tell you if there is a future in radio. I can tell you there is no future the way it is currently set up.
To that last poster...dude that is the saddest most repeated story I have heard or read about in the last 2 years. If misery loves company, you got plenty of love out there.
Your work ethic should help you land something somewhere, and most likely the haed chopper who did you in will suffer the same fate down the road.
This is what has happened to the industry...are there any REAL "Broadcasters" left?
Very sad
"I cannot tell you if there is a future in radio. I can tell you there is no future the way it is currently set up."
Truer words were never spoken... Very well put & succinct... "Not a team player" is on its' way to becoming a classic catch-all phrase!
To "dedicated" ~ I hope you get your severance pay. I found out my name was on a "must keep" list. (They planned to keep using/abusing me despite not paying benefits. What a savings for the company!) I did not wish to work to the point of total burnout and risk having my work compromised (things falling through the cracks, missed deadlines, etc.) so when I was told there would be no help, no way out of this godforsaken morass, I resigned. No severance, no unemployment checks. I would bet that the FULL time person who replaced me is totally miserable, overburdened and trapped.
"How Pandora can become the New 'Radio'"
"The largest concern you should have is that Pandora's entry into the auto market - something I view as inevitable - has the potential to create a complete substitute for your (music-oriented) radio station. And this will happen much faster than you think."
http://www.hear2.com/2009/10/how-pandora-can-become-the-new-radio.html
Do you think these heads-in-the-asses radio CEOs saw this coming (including Bob "The Scammer" Struble)? Kiss your music-oriented radio stations good-buy.
Pandora will kick the ass of off those "listener driven radio" concepts that McVay and others like him are coming up with. What radio programmers don't understand is that Pandora is competition - and the only competition to Pandora will be internet radio stations that have "gatekeepers"/"personalities"/"Musicologists" - all in one - that understand the audience and how to turn them on to new music and forgotten music. There is no in between. The formula being used for radio formats today is dead. It takes people and radio cannot afford to hire them according to the comments here. I hope the rumors of fire sales become fact and that more car companies and manufacturers begin selling and incuding internet radio as a stanadard feature.
I find a lot of humor in this one. The Dan Mason is perfect though he could have been Chauncy Gardner, too. I will never understand that one and I don't think he does either. Dan was supposed to be the real radio guy. What happened? When push came to shove he was no different than Randy Michaels, John Hogan, Lew Dickey and the rest of them. I am not sure real broadcasters would ever want to get back in. It is much like Obama trying to clean up the 8 years of Bush financial mishaps mess. How many years will it take to clean up the economic blunders of Clear Channel, CBS, Emmis, Radio One, Entercom, Greater media, Citadel, Cumulus, you get the message. Is it even worth trying to save or is better to invest in streaming for the future?
We've been sending this one around to everyone. FTS! Love it. One of your best. The smartest grim reaper in the room -exxxactly!!!!! If you have to tell someone you are smart you are not. Lewie Lewie will never learn. He has replaced John Hogan as the most laughable comedian in the radio industry. Too bad he is such a mean lowlife bastard. He has to be to make up for his terrible inferiority complex.
God, this one's a classic, John.
Just forwarded it to about everyone I know left in the business.
Someone above mentioned Sirius XM not being a radio company. Radio company or not, there seems to be more of them and more advertising for them in places where I travel in New Mexico, West Texas, Arizona, Southern Colorado and Southern Utah. Before there were a few of them but in the last year in practically every trip I’ve taken almost all the restaurants have a channel on for the music, well over 50% of the customers I deal with have one and many of the rest are planning on getting one, and in the towns there are more stores that sell them and the accessories. Like the person said above, the revenues of nearly all the media companies were down last quarter, except for Sirius XM which was up by about 20%. They may not be a radio company but whatever they are seems to be catching on faster now.
What's the matter, John - still recovering from Halloween? We miss ya'!!!
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