Radio: More NAB Fumbles follies

NAB President David “Fumbles” Rehr did it again.

He doesn’t just step in it, he rolls in it.

Fumbles, you poor bastard, those $10,000 payoffs just don't go as far as they used to.

All that NAB money you’ve been funneled into his coffers and Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA) delivers a bill, the Radio All Digital Channel Receive Act, which would, if passed, essentially work in the reverse of what it was supposed to for the NAB and the radio industry.

Fumbles said, “This legislation will extend and enhance these services as radio stations embrace our digital future."

But the bill, which would amend Section 303 of the Communications Act of 1934, contains a subsection (z), which reads: "Require that apparatus shipped in interstate commerce or manufactured in the United States that is designed to receive signals broadcast in both the satellite digital audio radio service and the terrestrial AM or FM broadcast service be equipped with technology that is capable of receiving and playing digital radio signals as transmitted by terrestrial AM or FM stations."

Translation: Only satellite receivers manufactured that provide reception of analog AM and FM band would be obligated to include digital HD Radio, too.

So what do you do if you’re a manufacturer of a satellite radio receiver that also incorporates the AM and FM band?

You stop making them.

Not only does the consumer not get HD Radio – now they won’t even get analog AM and FM.

You just made Mel Karmazin a very happy man, Fumbles. Non-members always make out the best with the NAB with you at the helm.

Just yesterday I asked someone who sells satellite radio receivers how many customers ask for one that includes AM and FM.

He said none.

How many customers ask about satellite receivers that include a port for their iPod or reasonable facsimile?

He said many.

Bright boy, that Fumbles.

And, no, I don’t think Rep. Markey has any plans of returning that $10,000 donation. Times are tough, you know. You broke it, you bought it.

Fumbles, you’re small potatoes compared to what the rest of that $242,051 the communications-electronics industry stuffed in his coffers this year.

Who knows? Maybe Markey was playing both sides against the middle to get a taste from all sides of the communications biz.

Fumbles’ your biggest snag isn’t that gargantuan loophole you failed to notice. The bill had no teeth to begin with. The FCC and DOJ already approved the Sirius-XM merger. It’s flat lined – no ups, no downs, no nothing – just like you.

I must add that this is the same Fumbles who had his coat holder aka NAB executive VP Dennis Wharton rush out a press release on the Webcaster Settlement Act of 2008, quoting himself saying, “With this legislation now headed to the White House for President Bush's signature, NAB looks forward to sitting down quickly with SoundExchange to craft equitable streaming rates that enhance the online music experience and expose more artists to our listeners.”

Fumbles and Coat Holder Wharton actually believe they’ve got the stuff to go mano a mano with the RIAA’s SoundExchange to negotiate a royalty rate for streaming audio from terrestrial radio stations?

Fumbles, beware. SoundExchange will rip your heart out, shove it in your mouth and make you eat it. And that’s just for starters.

You can’t out-hype them with long-winded open letters and toy ducks.

This is the music industry. They invented hype.

Every scam you think you know, they did it first and did it best.

And Fumbles, this is just Round One from SoundExchange.

When they finish carving you wide and deep over streaming royalty rates, they’re going to lay the terrestrial radio performance tax on you. They've been working Capitol Hill on this one steadily for the past year.

While you were sending Congress ducks, They were was sending Congress bucks.

Fumbles, accept this fact. People are born with assured predispositions that bias them to points of view, which are foreordained and not in any way the product of logic and study that they believe they bring to issues. Some are predestined to be liberals, others conservatives, and many apathetic. They have almost no control over their viewpoint or their philosophical and emotional inclinations.

Put another way, you’re a born loser.