Monday, June 4, 2007

Omissions Accomplished

How about that ___________? His comments in last Thursday’s ____________ trade got an active e-mail conversation with a group of industry friends and colleagues (including a few former clients) that went back and forth for much of that day and provided hours of comic relief.

Even the trade carrying the story wrote it in a style that satirized his vainglorious confabulation. ______ didn’t pick up on it because he was too consumed with counting the number of times his name was mentioned.

It’s the one where _______ gave himself a high five for the good showing ____ is enjoying since the ___________ market implemented Arbitron’s PPM.

He even provided a “betcha didn’t know” fact: Most Hispanic males speak English and listen to rock music!!!! Ooooookay! Gotcha! Brilliant! Bravo!

Think back to the 1992 Presidential campaign when George Herbert Walker Bush stopped in a supermarket to shake babies and kiss hands and became mesmerized by a bar code scanner. Same thing.

He brings to mind the lyrics from that Hall and Oates song: You're out of touch/I'm out of time.

He’s so past his expiration date that he’s put himself in the at-risk category for contracting Dutch elm disease.

I didn’t see the memo he sent to his rock radio clients but I’m sure it closed with: “Start planning your 2008 Cinco de Mayo promotions now.” His next epistle will be on how to speak English to the Hispanic audience.

You have to wonder if ______believes that Irish listen to nothing but jigs and U2; Italians listen to nothing but Sinatra, Dino, Al Martino, and any other entertainer whose name ends in a vowel, and Eastern Europeans only listen to polka and know all the words to the “Volga Boat Song.”

While we’re at it, let’s get to the real reasons for _____’s rise in the ratings. ______ must’ve had a senior moment when he forgot to mention the format change that provided the advantage to his station. When Joel Hollander dropped rock for Free FM on ____ it freed up rock TSL for _____. It’s not that ____ was a better station than ____. What made former successful was ___________ in morning drive. It was his second best market in the country. Everything else on that station was gravy.

Come to think of it, wasn’t ______ consulting ____ before they sent him a Dear John letter, wishing him well on his future endeavors?

So he crossed the street.

I haven’t seen anything other than the 12+’s but I’m willing to wage that the raison d'être was that an exceptionally small percentage of listeners that made ______’s ratings look good.

Maybe ______high five’d himself too soon. Clear Channel just switched their Hispanic _____ _____ format to rock in that market. As they say in _______, “what up, doe!” Even the deef and dumb cowpokes at the Double C Ranch in San Antonio have it figured out.

It gets better. I had to meander over to _______’s blog. Lately, he’s been doing…ahem…research on what the rock audience really wants. I think he uses a special model Magic 8-ball. The messages read: Cell phones are popular. Classic rockers listen to FM radio.

If you asked him the time, he’d tell you how to break a watch.

Don’t laugh. The guy’s actually brilliant. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, he still gets kisses in the mail every month from clients that still believe his propaganda.

Future Shock author Alvin Toffler came up with a better depiction of what _______ advises: Obsoledge. Obsolete knowledge.

There are those atypical occurrences when he’s come up with a useful idea for his client stations – but, alas, even those don’t fall under the “even a blind squirrel finds an acorn occasionally” hypothesis.

One of his clients, ____, is programmed by ____ ______, who is one of – if not the – best active rock program directors in the country. He lives the station. What one hears is his creation. He has one of the few stations where listeners can recite the names of every personality in every daypart on his station – not just morning drive, which, by the way, he also dominates.

Every so often ______ will pick up on a successful programming or promotion initiative ______ did on ____ and suggest it to other stations he consults. Here’s the problem. He doesn’t know why he’s suggesting it or the reasons for its success. I know he hates those consultant jokes but you have to admit that – stop me if you heard this one before - he’s like the expert who can tell you how to make love in 99 ways but doesn’t know any women.

He does have the two items requisite to be persuasive. Grey hair and hemorrhoids. The grey hair makes him look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make him look concerned. Full disclosure: That one was courtesy of one of his past clients.

I’d ask that we do an intervention before ______ inserts foot in mouth again – but after thinking about it, don’tcha just like him the way he is?


mel phillips said...

There are actually 2 programming genius's who would do well to use your open-ended form comments to fill in their blank thoughts. Every time I read their comments I wonder: 1) Are they serious? (and) 2) Do they actually think they're telling us something we don't know? Which leads me to: 3) How the hell were they successful??? Just asking. Written by a non-genius programming guy...

Anonymous said...

I sense more jealousy on the part of a Mr. Gorman that anything else in this post.

John - it makes you look small.

Just an observation...

Anonymous said...

struck a nerve, eh? which one are you? i figured out who was outed and i commend john gorman for doing it. it's long overdue. the end result to the wrong people managing and consulting radio today has led to its demise. i agree that radio is not dead and also agree that those that got this industry into this mess be held accountable. time for changes.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, John for telling it like it is. I am a program director at a station consulted by __________. He doesn't even talk to his stations. He has underlings do it and just like a psychiatrist they always ask what do you think? Then he takes what you say and tells my boss what our problems are. I agree that we pay that company for nothing.

Anonymous said...

I would like to read your expose on a certain consultant company in your city. The guy you exposed is a nobody compared to this one. My station employed him until we learned that he was calling in our adds to an indie who is also on his consulting staff. That is like taking the money out of one pocket and putting into another except that he used my station to double dip. He collected a monthly retainer from us and another from the indie.

Anonymous said...

It would be even funnier if the "consultant" that replied to your blog (comment # 2) was someone other than the one you exposed.

I have worked for a few different consultants in my career. Some are good, most are phonies.

Anonymous said...

John, You were a consultant a station I programmed. You asked me dozens of questions about the market and made me answer my own questions. So what makes you different from the others? It was the questions you asked and the suggestions you made. They were not like anyone else's. One of the questions you asked was how my station felt as opposed to how I felt about my station.

Our station was sold and the buyer chose not keep you on because he had a national programmer he felt could do it better. Within a year we lost half of our audience.

He applied so much research based on other markets and promoted consistancy with other markets.

The station changed format to synidcated talk and bills half of what it did under your oldies format.

Anonymous said...

To write that e-mails over the artcle "went back and forth for much of that day and provided hours of comic relief" are the words of an immature mind.

Why the need to make it personal with the consultant? Is it beyond you John to simply comment on the media story with your own insight?

This says much about your character my friend.

Anonymous said...

I think the destruction of radio is something else to lay at the feet of the Republican Party (with active collusion on the part of Democrats). De-regulation created centralized ownership of vast swaths of stations. The result was across the board cost-cutting and focus on sales at the exclusion of product quality and development. Talent had no value unless it was the talent to convince advertisers a :15 was just a good as a :60. The focus on peripheral businesses like the Web and HD at the expense of the core business...creating radio stations that were fun to listen to, has resulted in the loss of listeners to the web and iPods. Those technologies would not be thriving AT THE EXPENSE OF RADIO, if radio had simply continued to be the go-to medium for new music and excitement about discovering new music. By always "playing it safe," relying on research that could measure the past but not foresee the future, radio killed the goose that laid the golden egg. It ain't over till it's over, but it's hard to see a positive future for the medium in the current environment.

Anonymous said...


If the consultant you profiled is who I think he is you stopped short at mentioning the other people in his consultant company who are just as bad if not worse than he is. All they know is what they research and they skew it so it looks like they are always right. If that is the case why is the rock format taking such a hit and has been for years?

Anonymous said...

I figured out who ________ was. I checked out his company's web site.

I read their "3rd annual" technology web poll that they claim was conducted with more than 25,000 Rock radio listeners "around the U.S.".

That is hardly a qualification. 25,000 listeners where? 69 rock radio stations where? What "rock" formats? How were they weighted?

Were they all ___________ consulted stations? How were the respondents recruited? When?

Since he wants to tell radio what they want to hear he paints a future for HD Radio that is entirely bogus.

He claims the "research" showed him that iPod users want FM tuners?

I think the G-man was too kind and should have taken him to task in more detail tho the magic 8 ball was a good line.

How about the claim ________ makes that he "invented" classic rock? I distinctly remember (being in the market at the time) that the first classic rock station was WYSP in Philadelphia and it was created by Lee Abrams and Dick Hungate. He did his classic rock format much later but took all the credit for it.

He did the same for alternative and destroyed it even in his flagship market. I live in Ann Arbor and I can tell you first hand. He tried to copy 89X's playlist and did but didn't know anything about the music or culture. It lasted less than a year and had no effect on 89X.

His alternative stations that havent changed format yet are almost identical to active rock

Look what he did for active rock. Few formats are dying faster than that one. The only exception is WRIF who have Bob &Tom, Doug Podell and Arthur Penhallow from 5 a.m. to 7 p.m. They are the personalities Detroit grew up with.

I also saw that he has "created" a new format that does a combination of AAA/classic rock/AOR. How is he "creating" that? He is copying the playlist of "The River" in Windsor, Ontario. I wonder if he catches the Cancon content?

Chum or whatever they are about to become should sue.

As John Stossel says GIMME A BREAK!

Anonymous said...

is his consultant company independent or is it owned by greater media? mcvay media was owned by clear channel until recently. i would be curious to know how many radio consultant companies are actually owned by a major change.

Anonymous said...

This sounds a little bitter. Perhaps ______ has had an impact on your lack of radio employeement in the last decade. Wasn't he on the team that destroyed your mess in Detroit?

Anonymous said...

I interned @ KRK during that. The rumor of what happened in Detroit with G-man, Mayo, Millen etc. was that_______ cut a side deal with the GM of that station not to do the format originally planned. ____wanted that station to mimic WRIF because it would fail. ______ believed the format they planned would have killed his Edge plans but as it turned out they didn't need any help.

Anonymous said...

are you aware that (not the fax sheet) had an interview with ___________ but it was pulled late yesterday? (for revisions?) you can still read the original at's+Top+Stories unless they removed the link.
he calls himself a rock radio consultant and never once mentions music as part of programming? that says it all. BTW his name was mentioned 31 times in the interview.

Anonymous said...

I think Inside Radio only keeps the interviews up for one day.

Anonymous said...

thats one day too long for ______. he really loves himself.

Anonymous said...

I have passed your commentary on ______ to other PD & GM's in our chain. Very informative and I have to believe very accurate as well.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Thank you Thank you. He is the most overrated character in rock radio

Anonymous said...

I heard you on Trey's show on KTSA this morning & agree with everything you said except the Cavs.
Go Spurs!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

John Gorman, your slipping. You missed another example of how ______rips other stations off. He is blindly stealing the "River" format from CIDR but his "Globe" is a direct steal from the Detroit WPLT "Planet" station that was also a triple A. Instead of a planet his is a Globe. Even "The Sound" has a sphere logo. Can't _________ever come up with an original idea? It is pathetic that he steals so openly from his own "flagship market."

His pitch is shameless. Devised their own custom blend for their specific market? Come on. You are ripping off two Detroit AAA stations a former and a former and again current one.

Anonymous said...

____________stole the Globe from us.

Anonymous said...

i think ___________ steals a little from everyone. in this case their programming is definitely a rip off of the river in detroit. judge for yourself. go to their sites and listen live for yourself.shame, shame, shame.
the globe
the river

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