Radio: Satellite of Gov

Why is radio so scared of a merged XM and Sirius?

You’d think that the industry would be more concerned with the Microsoft-Yahoo merger or who’s next in line to get gobbled by Google.

Here’s another case of radio criticizing what it can’t understand.

Show me how it is going to take money away from radio? Or listeners? You can’t.

Terrestrial radio derives revenue from advertising. Satellite gets theirs from subscribers – and some paltry national business and a fair share of p.i.’s.

Just let the merger happen.

A combined XM-Sirius would have roughly 17.3 million subscribers, based on current estimates. A done deal would have each share of XM stock replaced by 4.6 shares of Sirius – and stockholders would retain approximately fifty percent of the merged company.

Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin and XM Chairman Gary Parsons would retain their titles with the merged company.

Memo to Fumbles and the NAB: The FCC shouldn’t play into your losing game any longer. You’ve spent enough membership money on pricey lobbyists and other special interest ploys with this lost cause. I ask you - just how many bottles of Screaming Eagle wine does the Boy need to show off at his dinner parties?

You have a better chance of hitting a Sirius or XM satellite with a slingshot.

Fumbles, you’ve far important fish to fry. Start with the fact that the chain that benefitted the most from radio deregulation couldn’t afford to send any of its people to your convention this year.

That, and “Radio Heard Here,” a campaign that’s certain to repel the iPod generation…but we’ll save that one for another time.

You know as well as I do that FCC Chairman Boy Kevin Martin’s rubber stamp is inked and ready. He’s just stalling for strokes.

There’s an old saying, “every job corrupts a little.” With Boy Kevin, it’s a lot.

The Boy has combined the veracity of his wife’s employer, Dick Cheney with the dexterous accounting of Henry Paulson.

We know the business reasons why the companies want the merger. Just pull a page out of Mergers for Dummies: trimming the herd, debt service, efficiencies of scale, shareholder benefit…need I continue?

*

Have you no empathy for the plight of the poor shareholders and the surviving executives of the merged companies?

Terrestrial radio, must I question thy patriotism? How many companies were merged or bought out to create behemoth broadcast chains like Clear Channel, CBS, Citadel, Cumulus, and others?

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

I know the merger benefits only subscribers that prefer that all pro sports be on the same system. Otherwise, they’ll be fewer choices on just about everything else.

*

Have you listened to XM or Sirius lately? Does it sound like some of the stations have tightened the playlists? Even the comedy channels. Punch lines get a little stale when you’ve heard them for the fourth of fifth time in just a couple of weeks.

There are already signs of things to come following the proposed merger. You don’t have Lee Abrams to kick around anymore, for example.

It’s actually a worst case scenario for terrestrial radio if the merger doesn’t happen. XM and Sirius will not go under. Even if they file for bankruptcy – they will not go away. They’ll up the promotion and marketing on their battle against terrestrial radio and cut deals for automotive placement that HD Radio hand puppet Peter “Sgt. Bilk-o” Ferrara can only fantasize about.

And forget the argument that satellite radio doesn’t do live or local. How many terrestrial stations are left that do?

Just to make it look like Boy Kevin’s doing his job for the FCC – or as it’s known by those in the business – the Federal Communications Hackmission; the new combined satrad company may have to turn over a few channels to independent contractors. They’ll firm-up their a la cart offerings – knowing that it’ll be revised many times over. Remember the number of channels you used to receive on “basic cable” – the lowest tier? Satellite radio? Same thing. You want the good stuff? You better be prepared to pay.

When you’re the only game in town, you call the shots.

Anyone who’s worked for CBS/Infinity knows what’ll happen when it becomes a one satellite radio universe. They’ll never see another dime in upgrades. You’ll never see more than a three percent increase in salaries.

Name me one company whose product improved when its competition was eliminated?

**

Then there are those who, for whatever reason, just don’t like Mel Karmazin.

*

Come on. He’s not going to be around forever.

*

When is Howard’s deal up?

*

Same time as Mel’s?

*

Coincidence?