Radio: The National Association of Bamboozlers

Busted!

Did you hear about the piece in the Washington Post yesterday on the National Association of Broadcasters latest feeble attempt to block the XM-Sirius merger?

The NAB was forced to admit it was behind a total of 8,500 e-mails opposing the merger, which were forwarded to the House and Senate.

Even worse. They’re phonies!

You can’t make this stuff up.

The Post tried to make contact with sixty of those “whose names were attached to similar, anti-merger emails instigated by the NAB.”

Only ten of the names were real and only one recalled filling out something about the merger – but had no position on it.

Fumbles, now you’ve been caught stuffing the ballot box. Did you hire former Ohio Secretary of State and election-fixer Ken Blackwell as your consultant?

What were you drinking?

Is this another one of the “new ideas” you promised the radio industry when you first took over the helm at the NAB?

Did you really believe, given your dubious past performance, that you’d avoid scrutiny on this one?

There’s obvious and there’s painfully obvious. You’re in the latter.

Fumbles, you’re Elmer Fudd to the rascally rabbits and XM and Sirius.

I like the way you hid under his desk and dispatched your doorstop and mouthpiece, Dennis Wharton, to sheepishly confess and confirm that the NAB bought pop-ups on numerous consumer web sites, including PriceGrabber.com and Staples.com.

Love the header: The XM/Sirius Merger will Create Higher Prices. Stop the Monopoly.

The site offered participants a choice: Yes, I’d like to stop the monopoly and an option to file a comment or No, thank you.

None of the people contacted by the Post recalled going through the procedure of supplying personal contact information.

That didn’t stop your boy Wharton from counter-claiming that the NAB has the names, dates, postal addresses, and e-mails to prove the responses were sent by real people.

That’s like elections where dead people are still registered to vote.

Stretching the truth, one could say real people they once were.

Those among the living deny sending the e-mails – and some are enraged that their e-mail addresses were pilfered and used by the NAB without permission.

"I have a high degree of confidence in this," Wharton told the Post. "They (the e-mailers) had to physically type in their name and address. It was a fairly rigorous process."

Memo to Dennis Wharton: If you’re going to lie, lie convincingly.

How did XM and Sirius respond to Fumbles’ latest stumble?

"The timing and pattern of delivery of these comments is highly unusual and suspicious," said Kelly Sullivan, a spokeswoman that reps both XM and Sirius. "The letters lack any apparent common tie or indication of the source of the effort, all of which calls into question the legitimacy of the filings."

Fumbles, the standard operating procedure when caught manipulating a self-made poll is to blame it on a data entry problem. Make sure you attribute the gaffe to some “immediately fired” intern.

What you did isn’t exactly hacking – but it does prove that you’re a hack. A fraudulent hack.

Fumbles, this is your life at the NAB, so far.

Your Radio 2020 campaign – all of two months old - is a stiff.

Your claim to being a Congressional insider has proved to be false. You can’t even get the FCC on the line – and that commission is run by one of your own kind.

Now this?

Even your most loyal supporters now cringe at the mere mention of your name.

It’s almost a given that the XM-Sirius merger will go through – and, even worse, just to screw with you, Fumbles, the FCC and Justice Department will almost certainly release their decision when you least expect it.

How about the night before Christmas or the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day?

Fumbles, check your calendar. It’s nearly 2008. Three years ago the Congressional Management Institute polled 350 congressional staffers and learned that half of them didn’t believe form-letter messages were authentic or were sent by constituents.

The House and Senate offices were fed 318 million of these e-mail form letters last year. Do you really believe they’re taken seriously?

You’re useless, Fumbles, useless.

Is this how your NAB members want their money spent? Is this the image the radio industry wants or needs right about now?

You’re not even bright enough to be called a carpetbagger. You’re just a carpet and your opponents are walking all over you.

Read the Washington Post story here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/21/AR2007112102149.html